Religion and Death
by BasementOfTheMansion
Summary: A collection of Reg/Visit ficlets, featuring arguments, mild slash, and... well, more arguments, really.
1. Flawed Argument

A/N: (lightning strikes computer) Muahahahaha! This collection is alive! ALIVE! (ahem) Okay, so it's back, and I've fixed things, like the fact I wrote this all with no spell-check at first. And there shall be more... Not that anyone cares... (cries in lonely corner)

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**Flawed Argument**

"Have you ever considered letting Om into your heart?" Visit asked cheerfully, brandishing one of his ubiquitous pamphlets.

_Well, I'm not using it_, Reg thought cynically. "Not really," he said aloud.

"But Om accepts the loyal into eternal paradise--"

"Er, Washpot?"

"Yes?"

Has it escaped your notice that I'm--might as well come out and say it--_dead_?

"No," Visit replied slowly.

"Does it not follow that if I wanted an eternal paradise afterlife, I would, in fact, already be there?'

"I suppose so..." the Omian sighed. "Well, then... er... Right." He stalked off somewhat dejectedly to evangelize elsewhere.

_Poor guy_, Reg was surprised to find himself thinking. _At least he's trying_.


	2. Double Entendre

**Double Entendre**

Visit writhed under Reg's firm grip.

"Hold still!" the zombie admonished sharply.

"But--"

"Do you want me to do this or not?"

"Yes, but--'

"Then hold still!"

Visit obeyed. Cool fingers brushed his neck. Then--

"Ow!"

"Sorry. Not used to this. Hang on, almost done... There."

Reg snapped the thread and Visit twisted his collar out to look appriciatively at the mended tear. "Thank you."

"Next time you want me to fix your shirt, take it off first," Reg deadpanned (it came naturally).

"But I don't have a spare."

"...Sometimes you amaze me, Washpot."

* * *

A/N: Still the same bad joke as the first time... What were _you _thinking?


	3. The Dangers of Cocoa

A/N: Gods, I hate this one. I don't know why. It just bothers me. But I'll keep it here, in the (probably false) presumption that someome might care.

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**The Dangers of Cocoa**

Winter bit Ankh-Morpork with vengence. Visit and Reg stumbled numbly into the Watch House from a freezing night patrol.

"Praise Om," Visit muttered, trying to keep his teeth from chattering.

"Go get some cocoa. It'll warm you up," Reg suggested, unaffected by the chill.

Visit blanched visibly.

"What?"

"But Corpral Littlebottom's been making the cocoa lately..."

"And?"

"Let us just leave it at the fact that her cooking is a little too much like her alchemy..."

"Gods, Washpot, even _I_ can tell you're freezing, so you're going drink some cocoa even if I have to hold you down and pour it down your throat."

A small smile crept onto Visit's face. "Alright."

Reg shook his head and grinned back and, slinging an arm around Visit's shoulders, led him off to the cafeteria.


	4. Sick Leave

A/N: This one actually is a drabble. Only took about twenty minutes to get right (angry muttering)...

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**Sick Leave**

"But it's my shift! Who else will do it?" Visit protested weakly. He was flushed and faint, and occasionally broke into bouts of coughing.

"It doesn't matter! I'll do it. Igor even said you shouldn't be in today. You'll spread your cold around!" Reg countered.

"But you just got off shift..."

"I'm dead. A double shift won't do much more."

"But I couldn't--"

"Look, we're short-handed with that last batch of Sammies gone, but you need to go home. You can't fight crime if you can hardly stand."

Visit was silent.

"Hey, I have some time... Walk you home?"

"...Alright."


	5. Temptation

A/N: It suddenly occurs to methat none of these drabbles thus far have been actually slashy. Well, only one thing to do for it...

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**Temptation**

"They are stolen property. It's immoral."

"Confiscated, actually. And they'll go bad if no one eats them, so you might as well."

Visit regarded the bowl of apples on the break room table for another moment. There had been a cartload of them, which had been busted for smuggling arms in a hidden compartment. Now they were trying to get rid of them.

"'Let not the crops lie abandoned in the fields,'" he quoted with a shrug, and picked one up.

"Waste not, want not?" Reg suggested wryly.

A Look. But a mild one. Visit bit into the apple. After awhile, he said contemplatively, 'In the Book of Origins, Mankind was tempted into wickedness by a forbidden apple."

"Hmm. Really?" Reg answered distractedly. He was staring at the bowl.

"Is something wrong?"

Almost dreamily, he picked up an apple and turned it over in long gray fingers. "I forget how these tasted," he said distantly.

There wasn't much to say to that. Visit took another bite, which sounded very loud in the silence.

Eventually, Reg set his apple down. "You know, I can buy that," he said.

"What?"

"About the temptation thing with the apple."

"Really?" There was guarded hope in the Omnian's voice.

"Mmm-hmm. It's a very tempting fruit."

Yet again, Visit could tell the conversation had gotten away from him. He took another bite. It was good, but there was no reason to get maudlin. "How so?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"I suppose," he said with a shrug.

Faster than he could react, Reg leaned forward and caught him in a kiss almost matter-of-factly. There was a flicker of tongue over Visit's lips, which tasted of apples, and then Reg pulled away.

"Now I remember,' the zombie murmured in that same distant tone and smiled.

A flustered Visit blinked in surprise, opened his mouth to say something, closed it again, and then breathed out sharply in frustration.

"Abomination," he managed eventually, but there wasn't much venom in it.

The smile became a smirk. "Yeah?"

Visit sighed, set the half-eaten apple down and didn't touch it again. It was just too damn tempting.


End file.
